You never see a full smile in Mekkah

You never see a full smile in Mekkah.

For days I was amazed how all the smiles, all the people posing for pictures, never reached their full extent. It kept me wondering really; not one eye-to-eye smile in the holiest of places? Where one enters and instantly wishes to stop blinking in order not to miss one eyeful of the Kaaba? I tried it purposefully one time; grin to my utmost, see what's missing.. but then I looked at the picture and saw what has truly been missing:

It wasn't really me.

Almost always my widest smiles are the most deceiving. Just like everyone, I hide behind a cheerful façade of someone who isn't that cheerful at all. But here, you cannot deceive anyone. Here, God blesses you with no artificiality with Him. Here, you are reduced to your barest self, the one that truly cannot smile so wide from all the burdens it bears. And you're left with the realisation that perhaps that's not a bad thing at all.

Because maybe this barest self is void of so much and is so, so worn, but it is here where we realise how empty these full-to-the-brim smiles really are. For it is not the width of my smile that truly shows how I feel; it is this wearied, grief-stricken, pride-driven, life-bitten, evergiving, everloving smile that is a true reflection of who I am. And at that moment, I am all of those things, and none of them. All layers shed away, and there only remains the peace of soul that can never be captured by a mere screen. No agendas, no earthly worries; just you and God and your barest self.

The clock stops ticking, just like your soul stops the barriers preventing it from the salvation it seeks. Your heart is left unattended but full of godly promise, just like the shops are all left unattended during prayers because no one steals in Mekkah. And with no manacles chaining your heart and soul, you truly taste salvation, whether you know it or not. You finally get to see yourself for who you really are, bar any falsities and any deceit. You embrace what shaped your smile to be this imperfect, and you accept that it's a reflection of your imperfect self, too. And you wish to never fake a grin again, because with peace you become consumed, and with delight you begin to love your barest self wholly.

You never see a full smile in Mekkah; you only see fully-fledged ones.

21/12/22